Robbie has what I like to call the alphabet soup of challenges.  He is on the autism spectrum, PTSD, mood disorder, ADHD and Trichotillomania (pulling out his hair).  At least these are the ones I can remember right now.    I wasn’t going to do this.  I swore to myself that this was private and should not be shared.  I said it is so hard to get others opinions and sometimes even other’s sympathy – because at no fault of their own – they don’t understand.  But then I remembered that I am writing this blog not only to help other parents who have children with special needs learn what I learn but to also help educate parents who have “normal” children possibly help children like ours.

So here it goes, yesterday Robbie seemed very sad and I asked him what was wrong.  I asked if we could write down his feelings and he said yes he wanted me too.  Here is what I wrote for him in his words:

While heartbreaking and sad, I knew I needed to write this for other parents who do not have children like mine, could understand what they go through.  I am lucky because Robbie has never sat by himself at  lunch because they sit by class but I am fairly certain if they did not he would be.   There are many kids out there that do.  Their social struggles and inability to read social queues makes it very difficult for them to make friends.  Robbie is right, he does not appear “normal.”  Sometimes he will go on and on and on about a topic no one is interested in except for him and he does not realize that they are not interested. He growls or hisses when he gets upset. Some noises bother him.  He gets upset when he politely ask people to stop doing something and they don’t.   He  wants to play sports (not because he is good at them) but to fit in but he finds himself at his age (11) on the bench and quietly hearing “oh no Robbie is up next.”

The worst part for these “normal” kids is it is not their fault!    

They were not taught to accept the differences of others by their families.  They were not taught to think about what really is “normal.”  This is not a “dig” on these parents.  I am sure if  either of my kids had tons of friends, sleepovers, and played on teams I would never think to have a conversation like this either.  Unless you live it each day like we do, you don’t think about it.

I can’t really help Robbie either

I can send him to social classes (which we do) and I can try to do play dates when we can find others that will do that with him.  Even last night our amazing neighbor’s son came over and wanted to play basketball with Robbie.  Shyly Robbie said no thanks, I am not that good.  It is heartbreaking.

I need to depend on the empathy of other children

No child has ever been outwardly cruel to Robbie in any way.  I just know after having him in our lives for 9 years it makes him sad that he is not like others and that makes me sad.

So I guess I have 2 asks:

1. Please share this story on social media so others can learn

2. Please have a conversation with your kids. Tell them that children with special needs understand far more than they think. They notice when others exclude them. It hurts them – trust me.  Robbie, like all kids want to be included – he just won’t say it.  Tell them to one day to look around the cafeteria or the playground and sit with someone who is by themselves or invite them to play.

    

   Today marks the day Robbie came to us for the first time as a foster child before he was adopted 3 years later.  He is 11 years old and has been with us since he was a little more than 2.  I am not naive that this post will change the world but maybe it will help one child and honestly that is how we do things…one at a time.  Thank you!

If you liked this post, share it on Pinterest!